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"Chemistry"do we need it to FALL in Love?

By Jill Rhodes-Harvey

CHEMISTRY what is it,and do we really need it?

Why is it so powereful,and why do we seek it in our 'Soulmate Relationships' the answer, "because the experience makes us feel completely alive, where every sense is heightened, and every emotion is magnified. Our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens.It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon, but that doesn't diminish its value, because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives"..

**Taken from the film the Mirror has two faces starring Barbara Streisand**
Anyone who has fallen in love or is midst such chemistry will understand exactly the meaning of the above words. Just the mention of the word chemistry produces such powerful feelings that it is often described as heady intoxication, leaving you breathless,excited, weak in the knees,palms sweating,heart pounding and body limp with nervous anticipation, Wow!

So do we need it? Yes probably, but maybe not.

The definition of chemistry is limited to one's physical response to another human being, and lacks any intellectual dimension that equates to our values, beliefs, personalities,social and family background,hopes,dreams and worldview.

It's vitally important to have a basic knowledge of what real chemistry consists of if we are to make major life changing decisions based upon our physical and emotional senses. This intense, physical passion is what Oscar winning movies and best-selling books are made of. So, although as intoxicating as sipping chilled champagne...take a step back for a minute.

OK lets look closer, Physical attraction (or lust) generally begins during the first 5 seconds with someone,it is then we decide if that person has the physical qualities that kick the chemistry factor into orbit. Although on occasions it can grow steadidly,how often have you heard two people meet, they didn't like each other, then at a later date they meet again (or several times later) and find themselves falling for each other.

YES-It can DEVELOP into something over time,but instant attraction is what really gets our PEA pouring furiously through our veins. PEA-the chemical results from this attraction (and intensifies it) is phenyl ethylamine - or PEA.

It naturally occurrs in the brain,and within a matter of seconds it kicks in to action on first meeting,after the initial photo imprint of that person meets and matches all our conscious and sub-conscious requirements.. Essentially, it is a natural amphetamine,thus stimulating and increasing both physical and emotional senses. The attraction causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with physical and romantic love. Another substance released by PEA is dopamine. This chemical increases the desire to be physically and emotionally intimate.

When these chemicals are secreted in large doses,they send signals from the brain to the other organs of the body making us respond to our intoxicator.

"Spiritual bonding" the next stage of soulmate building develops over time with repeated contact. When these feelings begin to emerge, our brain produces endorphins which can be likened to morphine, and as a result an increased sense of calm,reduction in anxiety,and a feeling of wellbeing prevails,helping to build the attachment further.

Generally, all chemistry "soul mate relationships" require a measure of physical and spiritual bonding factors. The important thing to remember is that chemistry only plays the initial part in getting us together,try not to make decisions at this stage,wait and see if those wonderful breathtaking feelings take you in to the next stage helping you to understand and develop your bonding further with common goals,hopes and dreams.

We do not need a clone of ourselves,human beings naturally seek a balance to their personality which in turn gives you your 'whole' being,together you make a perfect complimentry balance. Once you have found this elusive chemistry "Soulmate" the heady passion experienced in the early stages will fade in time,but this is not to say that the physical attraction and emotional love passes,it merely changes as everything must otherwise we stagnate.

However,in a healthy loving relationship the moments of intensity can and will occur for brief intervals to prolong and deepen our committment to each other. Just try to Remember not to confuse great sex,deep attraction and romantic love with the vital ingredients needed to sustain long term LOVE.. look for a measure of all the above in addition to common goals,friendship and sheer love and consideration for each other. For then you have the ingredients that lasting love is made from.

Good Luck!

Jill Rhodes-Harvey voluntary relationship consultant now running her own introduction agency in oxfordshire.Should you like any advice or a listening ear please contact me at


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