Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

Explore Article Library

The Secret Of Success In Courtship And Marriage, Sex And Happiness. (Part 3)

How do you tell legitimate hope from unfounded hope? By looking carefully at the facts. -- DR. HOWARD HALPERN


If you were asked to mention the qualities you want in a mate, no doubt you will list all the wonderful human qualities on earth. Perhaps you will not forget to mention that you will like your mate to be loving and caring. Well, that is good.

But you start the wrong way. You should have started by asking yourself if you possesses those angelic qualities in your master list. For example, ask yourself: Am I loving and caring?

You see, everyone looks for different qualities in a mate. For instance, what appeals to me, may not appeal to you. No wonder it is said that what is one mans meat is another mans poison.

This reminds me of one beautiful lady who loved Socrates the Greek philosopher for his intelligence, and asked for his hand in marriage. She reasoned that they would make excellent children. Because their children would combine her beauty with Socrates intelligence.

But the beautiful lady, a dullard who could not add one and one, forgot something which the ugly Socrates reminded her. What if our children combine your empty brain with my ugly face? he asked. And that ended it.

So, it means that we should look for a rounded mate. One quality alone is not enough. And we too should posses qualities that our mate should look at and admire. But what questions should you first ask yourself?

Am I willing to make a life long commitment to my partner? Matthew 19: 6

You dont marry today with the view to divorcing tomorrow, if things dont go your way. Marriage is a life long commitment. God hates those who abandon their mates. -- Malachi 2: 13-16.

Am I now physically mature to make sound judgment? -- 1 Corinthians 7: 36

Picture teenage couples in a matrimonial wedlock. These ones are still going through changes in their life. Lack of any life experience, coupled with the strong sexual desires incidental to their age, will distort their thinking and judgment.

Do I have traits that will help me to contribute to a successful marriage? -- Galatians 5: 22, 23.

You should try to cultivate those qualities that you want of your marriage mate. Compatibility is the word. But know that even twins are not exactly identical. So dont even think of marrying a relative in order to make the best out of marriage. And dont think you can change anyone. That is wishful thinking. Try changing yourself first!

Do I have the maturity to support a male in difficult times? -- Galatians 6: 2.

It is not the time to play the blame game when problems arise. You will agree that we live in difficult times, and this calls for maturity in handling issues. That is why you are two. -- Ecclesiastes 4: 9, 10.

Am I a cheerful and optimistic person? -- Proverbs 15: 15

If you are a critical, gloomy and negative person, marriage will not change you. Instead you are going to strain the marriage. Why not add some humor to your life by being cheerful and optimistic.

Remember, such character repels, and is dangerous to your health.

Do I exercise self control? -- Galatians 5: 19, 20.

One who cannot control his temper is a dangerous person. He can be violent, and may even kill before realizing it. Would you like to marry and end up in jail for murder? -- Ephesians 4: 26.

Questions to ask of your prospective mate.

Lets say he is a male, although some of these questions may well apply to a female. What would you want of your male partner?

Does he have a good reputation? -- Philippines 2: 19: 22.

Yes, the way a man is viewed by others, including those under his authority will enable you to know the kind of reputation that he has. Unfortunately, most good women marry bad men. -- See 1 Samuel 25: 3, 23  25

Does he have good morals?

Find out if the man you intend to marry is pretentious. Perhaps he wants to get you just to satisfy his sexual desires. Such persons think of themselves first. They do not even fear God.

Does he treat me kindly? -- Ephesians 5: 28, 29.

A kind husband would treat his wife in like manner. He trusts and praise his wife; he is not excessively jealous and is moderate in his expectations of her. Would that not be how you want your future husband to treat you?

Does he respect his family members?

Also find out how your prospective mate treats his parents and relatives. If he is rude to his family members, then you should expect trouble from him. But if he is respectful and obedient to his parents, then expect him to treat you lovingly after the marriage.

Does he allow anger to control his life?

Many families have been ruined by violence. So if your prospective mate is given to fits of anger, that is a clear indication of danger. A woman who marries such a man will be subject to verbal and physical abuse. Do you call that marriage?

Does he have right goals?

Find out if your future mate has attainable or visionary life goals. For example, does he want to be a millionaire? Will it do him good? Or is it his goal to serve God?

So the above questions will help you to scrutinize your mate in order for you to find out if such one has the qualities that are needed to make a successful marriage. Try to look beyond the wedding day. For you are going to live with this person all the days of your life.

But now, how can you have a successful courtship?

(To be continued)

Copyright) 2002, all rights reserved

About the Author:

ARTHUR ZULU, is the author of the best 'selling book,
HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER. Download your copy and FREE excerpt at :
The above article is taken from a book of the same title, and the book is for sale.For contacts, mailto :

About the Author

ARTHUR ZULU, is the author of the best 'selling book,


Careers & Employment
Grief & Loss
Kids & Teens
Public Speaking
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

A great way to support your Trans4mind Training is to use these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Generalized Anxiety Treatment ~ Use hypnosis as a generalized anxiety disorder treatment and you can feel calm today.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
Search on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Trans4mind Training is the best thing we've ever done! It's a series of interactive video workshops covering the key challenges we all face in life - to help you achieve greater inner peace and true fulfillment.
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd