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Have You Missed Your Soulmate?

Many people believe in love at first site. They believe that in an instant, they will know who they should be with for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, these unrealistic expectations often end in divorce.

On the other hand, some couples spend 10 or 15 years getting to know each other before marriage. They'll live together, make major purchases, and even have children, before making a commitment to get married. Unfortunately, many of these marriages also end in divorce because even though they committed with their heads (and maybe even their hearts) the couple didn't know how to make a soul commitment.

Finally, some people go along being unhappily single. They desire to be married, but they find themselves playing games and dating without setting realistic personal goals for their future.

Maybe you're one of the people I've mentioned above. You're in a relationship (or your waiting for one), and you're wondering, "Is this it? Have I really found my soulmate?"

What if I told you that knowing your soulmate has more to do with knowing who you are and your level of commitment, rather than finding the "perfect match" to complete you?

I bring this up because I came across a book entitled Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? It made me think about how true soulmate relationships are formed: God prepares each individual and brings them to a point where their souls can effectively be knitted together for His purposes.

With this thought in mind, here are three ways for you to recognize your soulmate:

1. The communication between the two of you is transparent. "In his excellent book, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, John Powell describes the five levels of communication: cliche, fact opinion, emotion, and transparency."-- From Starting Your Marriage Right, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Transparent communication means you and your partner can move beyond the cliches, facts, opinions, and emotions to a level where you are both vulnerable, but where truth prevails in your relationship. Transparency doesn't come quickly for most people, but when it does, freedom is not far behind. Transparency comes only with courage, nonjudgemental attitudes, and most importantly, trust. And this leads me to my next point.

2. You and your soulmate will trust each other completely. That means you don't have to wonder if your loved one is doing something inappropriate, without thought to your wellbeing, or without sound judgment. Trust comes when words and actions line up to form a coherent picture of the person you love.

3. You and your soulmate know the meaning of unconditional love. One may say, "Keishia, how can you believe in such a concept in this day in age? This kind of love never happens in real life." I'm here to say that it does. If you've read some of my other articles, you'll note all of the things that must be stripped from a person's character (selfishness, pride, and jealousy) in order to get there. We can't get there by our own will, but rather by God's grace and by understanding His nature. No matter how hard we try to do it in our own strength and conviction, leaning on divine intervention is the only way to rid ourselves of these three character flaws.

Ultimately successful soulmates aren't just born at some point in time or space to hook up by sheer coincidence. They are made over time to be with each other for a lifetime. If you're wondering where yours is, look inward and upward and you're bound to discover more than what you've seeking.

About the Author: Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor of (Launching November 2005). Her work has appeared on,, and in numerous other publications. Currently, she is writing a book on marriage and relationships(Spring 2006). If you'd like to see more of her work, visit


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