Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

Explore Article Library


A Wedding For What?

Once the actual purpose of a wedding had much more to do with property, parenthood and moral propriety in the eyes of the community. And those 3 elements were strongly interlinked, particularly among those members of society who made the rules.

In most western cultures, inheritance passed from father to son. So who was the father of the child was an important question, generally answered by identifying the father as the mother's wedded husband. And the issue of moral propriety tended to have to do with the fidelity of the wife rather than the activities of the husband.

Those days are largely passed despite lingering remnants of a double standard and the more modern belief in marrying for love rather than to ensure paternity and the orderly handing down of property. While alliances between powerful families may still be built based on bonding through marriage, generally the participants have a little more to say about the process these days.

Statistics today suggest that not too many marriages are until death do us part. Many hardly last long enough to have a child, much less raise one securely to adulthood. And the belief in the sanctity of marriage? Well, the statistics do also indicate that most divorced people remarry. That may not say much about sanctity but clearly marriage is seen as desirable even by the divorced.

In industrialized countries the increasing numbers of single parent families, also indicate that marriage is not serving all that well to protect and nurture children.

Many trends in modern society can be pointed to that contribute to these challenges to a successful marriage. To be raised in a consumer oriented society can be a curse. Things, ideas and people all tend to be turned into consumable items. The incessant hammering of advertising insists on new, different, better. Television and movies portray a parody of life. It's a rare individual who experiences one hundredth of the excitement and glamour (or fear and terror) of a 2 hour movie in their entire life. Our lives, our selves, appear drab and uninteresting. And our loved ones become boring, tedious, unexciting and uninteresting. Glued to the TV, passively sucking up pseudo-existence, we are divorced from the possibilities of real life.

Sensation addicts (which every advertiser deeply desires to makes us) just don't do well with commitment. The fizzy magic of falling in love is delirious and mysterious. If that's what you want, don't do the wedding thing. You'll be disabused, discovering that the magic mysterious person you fell in love with has a lot of really annoying habits, is kind of boring (maybe really boring), actually doesn't like your kind of fun much and wants to watch different TV shows too.

We all want to believe that we want a permanent long-term relationship 'or at least we all pretty much have convinced ourselves of that before deciding to get married. However, it is a lot harder to actually do it than to delude yourself into thinking that's what you want.

And you also have to consider that your partner may change his or her mind while you still want one of those permanent long-term relationships. Is there some way to be sure? No.

I'd love to say yes, there is a way and here it is, the perfect and infallible method of knowing, in advance, if you will have a wonderful lifelong marriage. Regret it as I might, no one can guarantee it.

What is clear is that there is only one way to find out. Get married. Know the pitfalls. Work on your relationship. Share. Communicate. Build your dreams for the future together. Take care of each other and never fail to appreciate each other and treat each other better than you would some stranger. Absurd as it may sound, be polite, say thank you, be grateful for every good thing and equally grateful that you survived any bad thing. Take each other seriously and never take each other for granted. If you can do even half of that, you'll be ahead of 87.3% of all married couples.

And here's the nearly impossible thing 'learn to see your partner anew. We never really know another person fully. We come to believe that we do, but this is an illusion. Every person is a bottomless mystery. Our vision becomes clouded day by day as we go through the routines of life. Eventually we think we know it all because we have blinded ourselves to reality. Sometimes we even become our own petrified visions of our selves. At that point we are convinced that somehow we are done, completed, beyond the need or even the possibility of internal change. If that were true, then only an outer change 'modifying something external to ourselves could change our lives. And that, rarely works for long. No matter where you go, there you are. If you can not change yourself, it's futile to change your circumstances. You'll simply recreate the same old problems. Check the statistics on how many divorced people who marry again, end up getting divorced again.

Sounds bloody awful, doesn't it? But think of this, the incredible joy of parenthood lies in seeing a child grow and change and become something new. Our nature as humans is to be not only capable of learning and expanding ourselves, but to find our meaning in learning and changing. Marriage is serious business, not to be entered lightly. It is the beginning of what can become an awesome journey of discovery, rich with rewards and, certainly, full of challenges, uncertainty and trouble. Growing within a commitment shared with an equal partner can be the most rewarding thing you can do. But never think it will be easy or without pain, doubt and suffering. Any road you take through life will present challenges. Walking that road, successfully, with your partner, may not be an easy thing, but ultimately it is most definitely what a wedding is for.

Copyright 2005 Richard Keir

About The Author

Richard Keir writes from the perspective of both a background in clinical psychology and more experience with marriage than he really wants to share. Relationships have always been one of his primary interests.



AND EXPLORE...

Addictions
Astrology
Careers & Employment
Communication
Creativity
Dating
Depression
Diabetes
Diets
Divorce
Education
Environment
Ethics
Exercise
Family
Goal-Setting
Grief & Loss
Happiness
Health
Kids & Teens
Leadership
Love
Marriage
Meditation
Nutrition
Organizing
Parenting
Psychology
Public Speaking
Relationships
Schools
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Spirituality
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure
Women
Writing


From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

A great way to support your Trans4mind Training is to use these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Generalized Anxiety Treatment ~ Use hypnosis as a generalized anxiety disorder treatment and you can feel calm today.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
Search on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 

Trans4mind Training is the best thing we've ever done! It's a series of interactive video workshops covering the key challenges we all face in life - to help you achieve greater inner peace and true fulfillment.
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd