Filtering Values in the Dating Game
Ever noticed that when dating, no one really wants to take
the first step and open up a dialogue on a subject with depth
It would seem only natural to try to obtain such vital
information in order to make a reasonable assessment as to
whether your date could have potential.
However, most people, due to either being too uptight, or
merely too busy playing the 'let me put on my best face
front', whether it's you or just a fraction of you, do not
probe for the others' values initially.
This, yet not brain surgery, can become quiet a hurdle to
overcome even for the most savvy of daters.
Unfortunately, it may take many dates to overcome this
obstacle and if you find that this person, is indeed not
someone worth proceeding with, then guess what? You not
only may have wasted your money, but worst yet, you
wasted that precious commodity called time..
Do this enough, and you can see and sympathize with good
people who just want to find another good person to spend
the rest of their life with.
Certainly, I wouldn't advocate anyone attempting the
hard-line approach with a prospective mate by asking them
to 'not beat around the bush' or to 'bottom-line me'.
This will more than likely cause a seemingly fun loving
person to simply disregard you due to your edginess.
Therfore, if time is one of the most important things in the
world and wasting it is like sleeping on a bed of nails; one
would definitely have to discern that filtering and sifting
others' values prior moving forward, would assist in this
Yes, the days of going on blind dates and getting set up by
others is still alive, but not as alive as it used to be, due to
the Internet, newspapers, and the like.
With that said, this emerging concept allows a seeker to
almost be able to pick and choose like shopping at the local
grocery store. This fact may sound crass, but it's true, and
this is where the future of dating is heading, even though you
still will find a more unafraid crowd which some people
would call lonely hearts
I see this as intelligent people who, when they submit
themselves to a database of others, want to immerse
themselves into something worthwhile, sooner than later,
instead of getting lost in the potential maze of dating.
Of course this is not the only way to filter out bad apples.
One could take the classic route and blow off the dating
services, save their money, and forge ahead without that
There is nothing wrong with this approach, but be prepared
to run through many more dead-end dates before finding that
rose among the thorns.
If, for example; you find out that your dealing with a person
who does not want children, but it took you several dates to
figure this out, then ascertaining this important fact on the
first, or at the latest the second date, should be a focus of
In a casual manner, many of important pieces of information
about another person's value system can be obtained
genuinely on the first date.
The key is not beating them so hard over the head that it's
obvious you have no possibility of being remotely flexible.
It's like the same concept of people wanting everyone to ask
them for identification because it makes them feel safer from
ID theft, even though many of these new safeguards take
People who have similar values as yourself will more than
likely appreciate your subtle curiosity and up-front persona.
Yes, it is a fine line we all walk because we want to come off
appealing, yet, we surely need to know certain things in
order to move forward with prospects.
Focus from here on out when dating to not only have a good
time, but to obtain information by asking appropriate
questions over the course of the date, rather than
concentrating them over a couple of minutes.
Without a doubt, this approach will pay dividends in your
race to capture that perfect someone to stroll down the aisle
--by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
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About the Author
Brian Maloney is an online writer assisting others in understanding their personal values within their relationships. As site owner of the new ValuePrep.com, solid editorial is what you can expect from him in the future along with his first book to be released in 2005/6.