Awesome Dad's Top Ten Communication Intentions
By Dovid Grossman and Ken Mossman
An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that itself is perfect, because imperfection allows us to really understand the personal evolution our children are going through with us. The definition of an Awesome Dad, then, is the father who stays in the game, shows up fully and sets powerful intentions to grow into. Here are some:
I listen with my entire being - and without judgment. I seek first to understand and appreciate what my children say. From that vantage point, I will build their trust in me and be most supportive.
I see others as equals, neither superior nor inferior to me. Every person is a unique individual, just like everyone else on the planet. (hee hee)! We each have our own journey and everyone we encounter is integral to our life's objectives. Children are no less important and should be treated with equal respect.
I engage my curiosity completely. I truly want to understand and try to grasp all that is going on for my children. I want to see the world afresh from their perspectives and glean new insights through them. I ask questions without an agenda.
I consider all perspectives and choose consciously. In this world of infinite possibilities, I seek to understand where everyone is coming from and only then choose what resonates most. I share this process with those I love.
First, do no harm! I communicate to foster understanding and growth but never to hurt. "Sticks and stones..." I know my words can cut deeper, and the resulting wounds take longer to heal.
I tell stories that speak to the heart. When I speak from the heart, my words penetrate other's hearts. Parables and personal stories are easy to accept and are rarely accusatory, though often funny and informative.
I articulate the nuances. I use a rich vocabulary to communicate distinctions that will help to raise awareness and expand my family's appreciation of life.
I understand the power of my touch. From a gentle touch on the cheek, to a vigorous backrub, to wrestling on the floor, I communicate my love through the powerful medium of touch. And I know when to refrain as well.
I share what's there. I discuss difficult issues that warrant open communication without fear. I believe open communication will lead to the greatest family unity, even though the journey may be difficult.
My actions are congruent with my values. I am keenly aware that my actions speak louder than my words. The best communication is when words and actions match perfectly. Values in action...
Copyright 2004 by CoachVille, Dovid Grossman and Ken Mossman
Duplication, with attribution, permitted and encouraged.
From CoachVille's "Awesome Dads: dare to be a hero! community.
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My father was a very successful engineer. But he and I never got along, and we fought all the time. One day, when I was 17, I told him, "I always wanted a close relationship with you, but we don't have it." I watched as three tears squeezed out of his pained eyes. And he said, "I've always wanted that, too, but I just don't know how to do it." Since that day, we haven't argued. I got it. I understood his love for me was really deep. A lot of fathers are in the same boat. They love their kids dearly. But they don't know how to express this in a way that their kids understand it. Which means there's great pain in one of the most important relationships in their lives. I offer adventure, mentoring and coaching programs for fathers to become Awesome Dads. The benefits are a lifetime of pleasure and pride with the most important people in their lives. Dovid Grossman