Happiness and fulfillment rest upon self-awareness, personal mastery, personal philosophy and attainment of flow states. The vast reams of personal growth, spiritual and psychological works can be summed up in a simple framework for human life.
- Get your act together
- Learn the territory
- Flow
"Get your act together" is primarily concerned with the subconscious drivers which determine one's behavior. All forms of external malaise (illness, finances, emotional upheaval, etc.) are illusory in that their source is not their expression. At the heart of every action is an unmet need. Many of these can be taken at face value such as the need to eat, sleep, etc. However, the bulk of our behaviors are driven by triggers which lie just outside of our awareness. Since the Maslow hierarchy of needs is the most widely known, we'll use it as reference.
After physiological needs, needs are not as easy to identify. People get (to varying degrees) their safety, belongingness/love and esteem needs met during their formative years. The attachments and resentments which result from this phase is what we call a "personality." This personality has developed judgments about the world, its constituents, itself, etc. based upon the relative degree and manner in which its safety, belongingness/love and esteem needs were met. We believe we're good at some things, bad at others. We believe that men are good/bad and women are bad/good depending upon how our parents interacted with us and each other. As adults, we run from and/or attack situations and people which trigger our unmet childhood needs and we run towards and woo situations and people which trigger our memories of met childhood needs.
We become obese, cruel, funny, warm, promiscuous, thin, pretty, addicted, rebellious, etc., beginning in our formative years, in order to attain those things we need and to protect us from things we do not want. At the heart of every comedian, leader and caretaker is a root cause describing what was rewarded/scorned during their formative years. At the heart of every criminal and addict is a similar root, but different reaction. It would be an error to discount personal volition in these matters, however context is generally overlooked; upbringing and needs satisfaction, due to their complexity and bewildering nature, are often disregarded. It is much easier just to say a person has a characteristic or is a type of person, than to understand why.
Thus, our attention ought to be, in the context of cleaning up our act, on the root cause of our behavior. It is never our environment, situations or other people which make us happy or sad, rather they are the triggers which are reminiscent of our root causes. I could write till the sun goes down on the varieties of triggers and root causes, so I will not. It is only important to convey methods for the discovery of our root causes. The most effective methods are meditation and psychotherapy, and when used together, they can generate profound self-awareness (aka the cleaning up of one's act). Once employed our root causes surface, revealing our irritants (people, situations, etc.) as merely triggers. A deep transformative practice will yield self-awareness, self-mastery and inner peace.
The second-leg of this tripod involves "learning the territory". Simply, this means exploring the nature of reality. The type of map you have determines the kind of adventure you can undertake, and as such it is of supreme importance that your map is as complete as possible. Humans are optimizing machines. That is, we always choose optimally based upon our understanding of the world and our available options. The more limited this understanding the more limited the decisions - witness crime, addiction, etc. The more broad this understanding the more sage the decisions - witness art, service, etc.
Think of this exercise like building a book shelf. It has to fit all the information and life experiences you have and will have. Your cognition of life precedes your experience, so the more complex and robust your cognition, the richer and more expansive your experience. As Wayne Dyer says, "Play the biggest game possible." So not only does your bookshelf have to be high, deep and broad, but ever expanding, such that new information can be captured assimilated. Failure to assimilate and accept new information will result in labeling it as "other" or "weird/evil/messed up/etc." The more items in the "other" bin, the more limited our map. We must examine, understand and assimilate everything. Failure to do so is not only cowardice, but hamstrings our long-term enjoyment of life.
I will suggest two methods for developing a solid map:
- Ken Wilber. Read Theory of Everything (190 pages), a laymen's approach to the brilliant, complex and all encompassing philosophy of Ken Wilber, the most widely read and translated academic author. What makes his integral theory different than other philosophies is that it encompasses other philosophies, whereas other philosophies cannot encompass it. It is open-ended in that it is not fixed, but relational. It gives no boundaries or limits, but rather ties together the various lines of human development (covering physiology, science, spirituality and consciousness, values and institutions) such that a lay person can make sense of it all. It is not without its faults and critics, but it is a good place to start.
- Adopt mentorship as a theme. Find the people who you believe are the wisest and most accomplished in the realms you most care about. Offer to do things for them in exchange for their time. Likewise, be willing to mentor others as they approach you.
They last leg of this trifecta is FLOW, the psychology of the optimal experience. This is an optimal state, by which time stops and the perceiver, the perceived and the act of perceiving become one. Undivorced from the experience of life, the self merely exists and transforms without the cognition of the brain interfering. You need only determine which activities create this state for you - for some its art, some sport, some service, some reading, philosophy, etc. Whatever it is, do it as much as you can, because that is when you are most you. When you are most you, you are authentic, espousing the single most desirable character trait. More importantly, when in FLOW you are also doing your best work. As Joseph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss." Many activities can be blissful, the work is in their identification and prioritization.
In conclusion, take out the trash (all the unwanted baggage of your upbringing), get smart and follow your bliss. By doing so, you will reach more of your potential than 99% of your fellow human beings.
Brandon Peele is Founder of Namaste Economics, a set of economic principles defining the path of conscious business.
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