Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

Beyond Feeling Good and Bad:
Keeping Coaching Real

By Martha Lasley
Coaching for Transformation
Share on Facebook

When we label our emotions as good, bad, or terrible, we color our experience which changes it. Too often we put a positive valence on some feelings such as happiness or excitement, assign a negative valence to feelings like fear, sadness, or hurt, and avoid completely anything that implies shame, guilt, depression, or anger.

If we remove the ball and chain and sit patiently with our internal reactions, we find at the core of every emotion a pure wave of energy that is free of moralistic judgment. When we see how our body holds our emotions, we develop self-compassion and find that no emotion is more positive than another. Opening to the delicate mystery of emotions generates a sweet acceptance both within and outside ourselves.

Even when we have a thorough understanding of the beauty of each emotion, we can find ourselves struggling with a particular emotion. For instance, a low threshold for anger or timidity could actually be a gift if we recognize the profound messages these emotions have for our souls. Instead of closing ourselves off from our anger or admonishing our timidity or hiding our true feelings behind a hand of cards, if we can accept these emotions as gifts, we can embrace the fullest expression of ourselves. When we shun a part of ourselves, those emotions continue to torment us. Instead of seeing our emotions as an Achilles heel, we can open to their life force and honor their profound importance. When we face and embrace our emotions, they no longer have a vice-like grip on us and we can experience life more fully and freely.

The six core emotions that are evident across cultures are happiness, sadness, surprise, disgust, anger, and fear, according to researchers Ekman and Friesen. When we allow ourselves full expression of our emotions, without trying to nail them down with particular words, we find our unique energetic expression that comes through in the way we hold ourselves, move, and speak.

I often use the terms emotions and feelings interchangeably, but I appreciate the special usage ascribed to the word “feeling” by John Heron, in his book, Feeling and Personhood.

By the term ‘emotion’ I mean the intense, localized affect that arises from the fulfillment or the frustration of individual needs and in­terests. This is the domain of joy, love, surprise, satisfaction, zest, fear, grief, anger, and so on. Thus de­fined, emotion is an index of motivational states.

By ‘feeling’ I refer, with special usage, to the capacity of the psyche to participate in wider unities of being, to become at one with the differential content of a whole field of experience, to indwell what is present through attunement and resonance, and to know its own distinctness while unified with the differentiated other. This is the domain of empathy, indwelling, participation, presence, resonance, and such like.

One of the ways I enjoy becoming one with the whole field of experience is to get away from expressing my feelings in terms of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ which are evaluations of my experience. By settling in with myself, I get to experience the whole range of emotions and enjoy the smorgasbord.


Coaching is life-changing, world-changing work. The coaching programs at Leadership that Works go beyond theories and models and work with clients on a deeper level. You learn how to coach the whole person: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Whole person Transformation.

Leadership that Works

Transforming the world.
One heart at a time.

More articles from Coaching for Transformation

More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

A great way to support your Trans4mind Training is to use these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Generalized Anxiety Treatment ~ Use hypnosis as a generalized anxiety disorder treatment and you can feel calm today.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
Search on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd