Many people seem to be preoccupied with their relationships these days. Fulfilment seems to be hard to come by. Asking yourself the real reason you're with a person is a great question in the quest for self-understanding.
It would seem that most people would settle for their Soul mate, you know the one who fits that long list of expectations you have. The trouble is that most people with such high expectations don't even fulfil their own expectations. Can we really lay upon another what we need for our own fulfilment? So many times I have heard people say how unhappy they are with their partners and observed this to be a mirror of how unhappy they are in themselves.
Many of us have formed relationships based upon 'good sex' only to discover the present other is not who we'd like them to be. And of course the sex isn't just about sex - the power one feels in the conquest and the power of seduction can be the motivating factors, which can work either or both ways. So we try to change our lovers to comply with our minds but it never gets any better. We find that sexual partners are exchanged too frequently or sexual and other needs are being met outside of the relationship. This approach is no better than a lottery!
We all need to put less emphasis on sex in our lives, which is difficult because it is being deliberately pressed to us every day through the media. Consequently, we form relationships because of it and have children because of it. Then we destroy our relationships and our families because of it! How can the young innocent children understand something they've never experienced (in this life)? We sacrifice everything for a few seconds chemical hit on the body. That's how blind and emotionally addicted we are. Let us all get a loftier perspective and become noble beings from now on...
We can justify anything with our analytical mind but does it feel right to the deeper self? In other words, we have a choice of either being a needy person and acting in accordance with meeting our needs or we can take the path towards self-mastery and retire those needs...
Our past (memories and fantasies) are always close to mind and therefore there is always incredible temptation to stay there - rooted in the past. It takes a super-conscious mind to stay out of the clutches of those necromancers and thus to be able to live in the NOW moment. That's why the spiritual journey of self-mastery towards Christhood is a conscious journey - gradually becoming more and more conscious until one eventually is super-conscious. It's as close as one's breath but unfortunately so is the past and nobody has escaped that reality. Being ever-vigilant and choosing the new instead of the known is the way forward.
In our relationships we need to differentiate between what is fantasy and what is real because the fantasy will often blind us from what is really staring us in the face.
Every perceived problem (emotional story) is an opportunity for self-mastery. There's always the argument of 'why should I deny myself pleasure when I like it so much?' And the answer is always the same - 'because you've done it thousands of times before and your Soul is being starved of new experiences for growth.'
It is without doubt that any consciously aware person would want a relationship with someone whom they can be intimate with on both a physical and spiritual level. There's nothing that turns a spiritual person on more than deep, intimate conversation. If one has this and it also flows into the bedroom then a 'Spiritual Union' is present. In the absence of such then one should firstly look at oneself to conquer any self-lack.
Nothing is perfect and it never will be because the engines of growth run off the fuel of imperfection. You should never want a comfortable life because it is life's adversity that causes you to grow. There are many different ways of looking at many different things in your life. It's all a matter of perspective, which of course is a matter of your level of mind.
There are many 'seekers' travelling the world looking for the one who has the answer to 'peace'. Consequently we also have many 'peace troubadours' travelling the world too :) Obviously, global peace can only come when we have peace in the hearts and minds of men. So it's an individual thing. The macrocosm only changes when the microcosm does.
We only get peace of mind when all of our business has been taken care of, which means we have resolved all of our emotions into wisdom and can thus weigh our souls against a feather. And the only way we can do this is by embarking upon the self-introspective journey of self-mastery.
You know it's the same with 'truth'. There is an element of truth in everything and in a greater sense nothing is the truth. How can we know the highest, most sublime truth unless we master ourselves?
I've heard many so-called wise men and gurus preach that we should all be thankful for breath as if just 'living' is enough. I've given much thought to this and consequently I have to wholeheartedly disagree with them. There are millions of people who are hard-pressed to survive everyday. They go for days without a proper meal yet they still manage to bring other souls into the same squalor. The argument that a soul is born into such harsh conditions because the soul needs to learn something just doesn't cut it with me anymore!
There is something fundamentally wrong with the self-regulating purging system of the soul because souls are simply blown to smithereens here. Mind-control is too heavy and living conditions are too unfavourable for most. Enlightenmment cannot come to a mind that is entirely focussed upon survival. The system needs to change to where souls are given several genuine opportunities for growth and these opportunities become obvious to every soul.
In my opinion Joy can only come from having a purpose in life and that that purpose is fulfilling to the soul. It doesn't matter if one pulls teeth or pours soup! What matters is the soul's fulfilment from that purpose. For example, if you pour soup for the homeless and your soul is rejoicing in that, then do continue doing it until your soul has the wisdom from that experience. Equally, if you have a purpose in life that others perceive is important or it makes you feel important; but it has become a monotonous, repetitive, boring task then may I suggest you need to dig a little deeper and plan an exit strategy.
Life isn't really about making money and accumulating wealth; it is about self-created purpose and getting fulfilment from that. We are always alive anyway, whether we're in a body that breathes or not. How we choose to live our lives and the purposeful contributions we make are what defines us.
For me, my Soul sings when I write and when I give therapy to help others. However, there is this paradox in my life in that last year (2009) I was made bankrupt and I am now a 'kept' man. I'm not overly worried about this because everything is just an experience and I am mindful of what I am living for and my choice to serve Mankind. Living true to one's deeper self and prospering economically do not always go hand in hand, obviously! Sacrificing a good gravy train to do something inspiring isn't always easy but it's a step out of mind control. By contrast, my partner is a busy Doctor in a very stressful role. She goes to work to get the money to maintain a certain lifestyle. With the amount of hours she works one could argue that she 'lives to work'. Don't get me wrong here - I'm not saying one is better or greater than the other; I'm just trying to make the point that I feel it's important that we become aware of why we do what we do and what we're living for...
I heard the story of the student who stood up to the master teacher and proclaimed "I am your equal" to which the master teacher responded "then prove it". How brave and bold it was of the student to claim equality with her teacher and how correct the teacher's response was. On the basis that we are all sameness in constitution then we can all claim equality with the great ones but it's the full personal realisation of this fact that really defines us. In the same way that a change of a single attitude puts one on a new timeline, defining moments are the result of the choices we make - nothing more and nothing less. We can define ourselves by the image we portray to society or by an action we take to redeem a bodily addiction but the path to greatness is when we give it all up. Can we really deny our emotional stories in favour of our deeper self? Difficult choices for sure but not impossible! The Great Ones did it.
"When you lay it down on the line, then you bring everything you have to the fore. You will never know how great you are until you challenge yourself to be all you can be." - Judy Finch
Copyright © Gary Bate 2010
Gary Bates has written three thought-provoking books that serve to unchain a person's mind from genetic and social conditioning. The ideas discussed in the books can help people to improve all aspects of their lives from love and relationships to job prospects, health and wealth. He says: "All of the books are designed to move people to adopt a more objective state of mind so they can see the bigger picture for themselves. It's all about knowing, understanding and advancing your consciousness. I've decided to make all three of my ebooks freely available indefinitely. I realized it was more important for the information to be freely available than to wait for people to part with a fiver!" More details here: What Stress.com
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