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Cultivate a Spiritual Relationship

By Dr. Tim Ong

What is a spiritual relationship? A relationship is how we relate to other. A spiritual relationship is a relationship that aims for the highest good for those in the relationship. It is one that facilitates our spiritual growth. Here are some tips on how to cultivate a spiritual relationship with another.

  1. A Spiritual Being in Physical Experience
    Most people believe they are physical human beings, with perhaps some tendency or inclination to seek a spiritual experience. Living with this belief automatically limits our spiritual experience for it puts our spirituality in the backseat.

    Instead, choose to believe that we are spiritual beings in physical manifestation. This choice automatically brings your spiritual experience into center stage, and you will begin to see every relationship as an opportunity for spiritual growth.

    Remember, whatever you choose to believe in, you're right, for a belief is merely a perception of reality.

  2. Free Will
    As a spiritual being, we have free will and complete control over our life. However, this is only true IF we have full control over our mind. The more mindful or conscious we are, the more free will we have.

    Therefore, in every situation in a relationship, we have a choice as to how we choose to respond. We have the freedom to respond positively or negatively. Responding positively not only helps us to grow spiritually but also offer the other person an opportunity to do so as well. When we respond negatively, we miss an opportunity for growth.

  3. Do not judge
    To judge implies that we are superior to another. It implies that we know better or are more evolved. This is the working of the egoic mind. Every time we judge, we validate and strengthen our egoic mind. Our egoic mind is the proverbial devil in disguise. If it cannot win by force, it will try to win through cunning and trickery. It is so good and subtle at this that we are often fooled by it.

    To judge also implies that we are forcing our own beliefs, concepts, desires and expectations on another. In other words, we are not honoring their free will. Each time we judge another, we are doing ourselves and the other person a disservice. We are perpetuating a negative tendency that continues to validate our egoic mind. At the same time, we encroach on the other person's space and choice, and are more likely to create a resistance in him or her, rather than a positive respond.

  4. Do not blame
    To blame also implies superiority over another. To blame another also means we do not take responsibility for our share in the relationship.

    A relationship is a two-way thing. It takes two to tango. You cannot clap with one hand. This means that in a relationship, both are equally responsible for the outcome. When we blame another, we are actually saying, "It is your fault, not mine." However, we should also remember not to blame ourselves. Since every relationship is an opportunity for spiritual growth, take every situation as an opportunity to learn and evolve. There is no need to blame oneself or others.

  5. Acceptance
    Learn to accept ourselves and the other person, together with all the strengths and weaknesses. We are here to evolve into a spiritual being with full consciousness in our physical manifestation. Each of us are here for certain unique lessons.

    Through acceptance, we help each other to grow. Through acceptance, we let go of our tendency to judge, blame and control. In cultivating a spiritual relationship, we are BE-ing unconditional love.

Copyright © 2005 Dr Tim Ong

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