Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~
Inspiring Quotes of the Week + Bonuses!

Compassionate Listening

By Dr. Steven Farmer

We all want to be heard! If we want to be heard and seen for who we are, we can start by hearing and seeing others. Too often we think of listening as waiting for the other person to stop talking so we can get our opinion, feelings, or thoughts expressed. Although this is a common habit, with your willingness and steady practice you can develop the very fundamental skill of listening into a true art form, one that conveys compassion for the other. Here I offer three simple steps to work with:

    Did you ever notice what happens when your attention is drawn to an unusual sound? Your ears perk up, your eyes focus, and perhaps even your breathing may pause momentarily. It's as if all your senses are directed to identifying that sound. This type of attentiveness and focus is what is required to actually hear what the other person is saying. Not just the word content, but voice tone and non-verbal behavior as well. It means you are fully present and not letting your mind drift to distracting thoughts about the past or future. It means that you are paying attention, putting your self-righteous judgments aside for the moment, having your heart and mind open to what the other is saying, regardless of agreement or disagreement.
    Just like a sponge absorbs water, so you can absorb not only the content but also the intent of what the other person is saying. To do so, you must be open to a different kind of listening: to your own senses, how you react and respond in your body to what is being said. I find it helpful to maintain as much as possible a relaxed, fuller breathing pattern in order to continually notice how your body is responding to the interaction. Too often we are cut off from the physical sensations, which give some indication of a more "felt" sense of what is transpiring in the communication. Conscious breathing more readily allows what the other person is saying to "sink in." This also calls for us to take a little more time in our communication, which is something many today have a difficult time with.
    Once you have heard and absorbed what the other is saying, to become an active participant in the process, it is often helpful to reflect back in words what the other person is saying. This is typically done in one of two ways. Either you succinctly summarize by paraphrasing the content of what you think the other person is saying, or you paraphrasing feeling plus meaning, e.g. "You feel angry because you didn't get the job." Not only does reflecting make the other person know that you are hearing them, it is helpful in clarifying the meaning of what the other person is saying.

By incorporating these very simple steps into your daily interactions with others can bring profound changes in your relationships and happiness and peace for all involved.

Dr. Steven Farmer is a world-renowned author, teacher, shamanic practitioner, Soul Healer and former psychotherapist. He has published several best-selling books and is host of his own radio show, Earth Magic Radio on every Thursday from 4-5pm PST. For more information, visit

More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Looking for a better life?

Trans4mind Training is our series of online, interactive video workshops. We present the most effective methods of personal development, combined with support from expert life coaches.
The human heart made visible.

A great way to support your Trans4mind Training is to use these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
I think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd