Page 8: Seven Keys to Overcoming Anxiety

Sample Strategies: How to Overcome Your Fear of Losing Control

Here is an example of a way that you can change your internal environment: overcome your fear of losing control.

Like many anxiety sufferers, you may feel a need to control every aspect of your life. You may even feel a need to control how others around you act. You may feel that if you let go of that control, your life will fall apart. You may even take pride in the fact that you have complete control over your life.

That's why anxiety can feel so scary. When you're anxious you feel like you've lost control. Your body and mind go on strike. Your heart pounds and your palms may sweat. You have negative thoughts, racing thoughts, or other dead-end thoughts.

I have a secret to tell you. You never had complete control over your external environment. And you never will. You were just under the illusion that you had control.    

As children, we are vulnerable and helpless. We depended on our parents for food and shelter, and love. On a subconscious level, some of us still function the same way. We try to control others in order to get our needs met, rather than meeting our own needs. What we've failed to realize is that we're not helpless. We are each equipped with skills, inner resources, and the ability to thrive on our own.

Here's what I have found: It doesn't matter that you don't have complete control over your external environment. Controlling how you react to life's events is more important than trying to control life's events. In other words, you determine your happiness by controlling your internal environment, not your external one. That's because if you control how you react to life events, you control your reality.

Once you accept this truth, I think that your fear of losing control will lessen or even disappear. You will realize that you have the skills and inner strengths to triumph in any situation. You have control over how you react, and that's what really matters.

For evidence of this truth, look at people that have undergone extreme hardships like poverty or physical disease. Some people react to hardships with despair. Others use it as motivation to succeed and prosper. Those who react with despair let their external environment run the show. Those who triumph consciously control their internal environment (how they react) and use it to improve their lives. Start focusing on controlling your internal environment. You will grow powerful in the knowledge that you can handle whatever situation comes your way.

Here are some activities you can do when you are trying to control everything around you:

1)    Ask yourself: 'Am I over-focused on controlling my external environment?' This helps you recognize that you are attempting the impossible.

2)    Laugh at yourself! Or make silly faces at yourself in the mirror. Any fun physical reaction helps to distract your body and mind. It keeps you from taking yourself too seriously.

3)    Switch your focus from external to internal. Ask: 'What can I do right now to positively change how I react to this situation, person, or object?' Take action to improve your internal environment! You can do this through self-care activities, positive language, fun activities, affirmations, and more.

Here are a few affirmations that remind you of your power.

"I can handle whatever comes my way."

"I am very capable of meeting my own needs."

"I am a confident, capable adult."

"Life is a wonderful, unpredictable adventure."

4)    If you still find yourself over-focused on your external environment after these steps, check in with yourself. Assess your anxiety level and do appropriate anxiety-reducing activities such as those found in the Conquer Your Anxiety Success Program.

5)    Integrate activities that retrain you to let go. For example, if you usually keep a clean house, leave a pair of shorts on the ground for a whole day.

6)    Integrate activities that help you to enjoy spontaneity. For example, play with your pets. Or spin around in circles for five minutes.  

For more information on how to overcome your fear of losing control, refer to the Conquer Your Anxiety Success Program.

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